My journey!

In 2007 I started struggling with my body image. I would get bullied a lot for being "fat". I would always wear big hoodies so no one could see my body. I felt so ashamed of my self because that is how everyone would make me sound. I had songs made about me, "I smell bacon, I smell pork, here comes Chrissy with a fork. Sound off one, two sound off three, four sound off she will eat some more.

Growing up I was always called chubby or fat but it didn't bother me as bad until I was going through puberty wanting a boy friend and wanting guys to like me, think I'm easy on the eyes. I was surrounded by friends who where clearly prettier and skinner then me, and everyone wants them. It was so saddening. For me. I would cry to my mother about everyday. Because I wanted attention. 

In fall of 2007 I became ill with gastrointestinal issues. It came from eating meat that was not cooked properly. I would vomit every time I ate or drank because the opening to my stomach was severely inflamed. I missed a lot of school and started to lose weight. 

After a few months of finally getting everything resolved I started to become accustomed to vomiting every time I ate. I did not see a problem with it. I was still losing some weight and I felt great. I could eat then get sick and there would be no problems. 

A good friend of mine who was older then me came to me very concerned. She told me about BULIMIA. I of course had no idea what she was talking about. But I wanted to know more. That is when my obsession started! I found pro eating disorder sites helping people like me lose weight and embracing their "best friend " ED. 

I then started to ignore food, or count my calories. I was happy and I didn't see any harm in doing what I was doing, plus I wouldn't have it for long. Just until I am the weight I wanted to be. 

A lot of things happened in my life I had no control over. I trusted my disorder to help me through the hard times. I could control it....at least what I thought. I started to make a journal where I posted photos of my body pointing out every flaw, putting photos of girls I wanted to look like. I measured my body every inch of it everyday. I wouldn't eat until dinner and binge eat then get sick and eat again and keep doing it.

I went to out patient rehab and I hated it. I loved what I was doing . I saw no reason to stop. I went from 230lbs to 107 in about a year. I went from a size 13 to a size 2. I was so happy, but then so sad. It was all I thought about.

Eating and not eating gand then feeling guilt and depression. I was a mess. I didn't eat infront of people and I would hide my vomit around my room in bags so no one knew I was doing it. I was sick.

I then started to vomit blood. And that didn't stop me. I just stopped purging. But I still continued to starve myself and workout. I did this on and off till 2014. I found out I was pregnant and I needed to be nice to my body. It was hard. It really was but I pushed through and I've not done anything since.

I will never look at my body the same. I still see my sled differently then others and it's something I will get over in time.

That is why I am supporting health and wellness and apart of ItWorks! I want to help support others and also better myself.

My daughters saved my life and I will always be thankful for them.

I workout daily, clean eat, and take supplements. I am in recovery and it's something I never want to get messed up in ever again.

I am 156 pounds. And I embrace that. It's me, my body.

God made me to LOVE ME!